


Self Doubt - Eleventh Doctor/Reader

by holmes_wilson11



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Crying, Doctor Who Feels, Doctor Who References, Eleventh Doctor Era, F/M, Kissing, Pain, Romance, Secret Crush, Self-Doubt, doctor who - Freeform, eleventh doctor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:44:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holmes_wilson11/pseuds/holmes_wilson11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You love your doctor and you've recently found out about him being married (to river). You get emotional and have a little cry contemplating weather you should really be travelling with this mad man. He comes a reassure you that you mean the world to him. And you both get caught up in your feeling and emotions at the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Doubt - Eleventh Doctor/Reader

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is slightly out of charater for the eleventh doctor but this is what I can imagine it being like if you and him were very close and you had break down.. 
> 
> ~ I wrote this story in my perspective as this story was only meant to be for me ~

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I buried my face deeper into the pillows on my bed. I tried to weep as quietly as I could, wouldn’t want the doctor hearing me, he was always awkward with things like this. I was just a stupid young girl, so hopeful and naïve, I should’ve known for god’s sake I’m travelling with 900 year alien from space in a police box that’s bigger on the freaking inside. It’s just… I’ve never felt like this before, like I actually mattered to someone and to matter to him that just means to world to me. How could you not like the dork come on look at him… his stunning and smart and there’s this unforgettable sparkle in his eyes. I’ve found myself dipping in and out of focus when his rambling on about planets and stars, it’s just so hard to concentrate. 

The worst part about falling for a mad man that did I mention was an alien is that he was married and he had no problem telling people that either. I guess he just seemed like the not marrying type to me, it didn’t even cross my mind. He said his had many lives and his been married a few times before and even had kids, but that wasn’t him now, this was and it breaks my heart to know his taken. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I cursed at myself under my breath

 _Why would he even like me? I’m just a human, I’m petty in comparison to him and I’m stupid to think he even did in the first place._ The thoughts running through my head didn’t help either

My life has been totally flipped upside down and treed on a few times since I met the doctor. Don’t get me wrong I love it and I wouldn’t take any of it back, not one second… it’s just hard sometimes. After all the running and aliens and the end of the world every flippin Saturday you can hardly cram anything else in. A day where maybe, just maybe we could do something without running and fighting and saving the world ya know?

I could hear footsteps leading up to my room and I buried my face more if it was possible into my pillow. 

“Y/N?” The doctor asked softly pushing my door open slightly 

He always had to interrupt at the worst time possible. 

“What?” I mumbled hoping my voice wouldn’t crack from all the crying 

“You’re not asleep yet” He stated 

“Yes.” I said sarcastically clutching my pillow tightly 

“You’re usually asleep by now… that’s all, is-is everything okay?” He asked 

_Don’t come over here, don’t come over here, don’t… agh to late._

“What’s wrong Y/N? You know you can always talk to me.” The doctor hushed sweetly 

I lifted my head out of the pillow ever so slightly to look at him. I never wanted him to see me like this. I stray tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it off my face. Concern flooded his features, he fixed his bowtie, swallowed harshly and sat down in the middle of my single bed a mere few inches away from where I laid.  
A sad smile crossed my face as I looked up at the time lord. I helplessly crawled over to him and buried my face into his shoulder almost lovingly. He at first sat there awkwardly and stiff but after a little while relaxed into it, knowing I needed him right now. His arm slipped around me and rubbed circles into my back. 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered so softly even he could just hear it 

“For what?” He whispered back looking down at my slack figure curled up to his side 

I shook my head against his tweed jacket my arms that were curled around his waist gripped the materiel harshly and more tears made their way out. The doctor hushed me, slowly rocking his and my bodies back and forth. I felt his body lean closer to mine until our faces were nearly touching, his left hand cupped my cheek and wiped the tears away.  
He looked into my eyes and I looked into his beautiful green ones with that sparkle I mentioned earlier. 

“You don’t ever have to put on a brave face for me Y/N, I promise you I will always be here when you need me.” He promised me his eyes closing as he rested his forehead against mine his hand still placed on my cheek.

His thumb creased my cheek lovingly, my grip loosened on his jacket and rested on his chest where one of his hearts were. He stiffened at first but relaxed after a few moments, he lifted his head away from mine but stayed fairly close. I kept my eyes closed not wanting to look at him, not just yet.

“Don’t think your ever worthless Y/N, in all 900 years of my life I’ve never met anyone that was useless and you certainly are not. Oh Y/N, my sweet Y/N, always funny and caring, your always exactly what I need.” 

My eyes fluttered open as his words. My heart beat speed up and I exhaled slowly, they were beautiful words, there is no way they were meant for me. I shook my head looking into his eyes once more. If you looked hard enough you could see stars and planets and secrets the no one else knew in there. 

“Oh Doctor, my beautiful idiot.” I actually cracked a smile and looked down at my feet ashamed at the inner meaning of the words 

He responded with a small smile. He went to speak but my finger pressed onto his lips, 

“Don’t…” I whispered taking my hand away 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore doctor.” The words slipped out of my mouth as my eyes still bored into his. 

“You’re married…” I trailed off my head slightly tilted to the left 

My eyes glanced between his lips and eyes. I swallowed harshly this time, my heart rate shot up as adrenaline rushed through my body. I was gonna do this, for me, myself and I, and god did it already feel good. 

“And I know I should but right now, in this moment…I don’t care.” I hushed softly leaning closer to his face as if it were a subconscious movement 

I didn’t care, we were so close and nothing else mattered in this moment, but him and me. His body language said everything as his face hovered close to mine. He looked in just as much as a haze as I was in. His cheeks dusted in pink and his lips were slightly parted. We we’re centimetres apart, our noses brushed against one another. My hands cupped his cheeks softly and I pulled him that inch closer so our lips connected. 

His hands intensely wrapped around my waist his nails digging into my cloth covered skin. A wave of heat flushed over my body, the kissed seemed so needy on from both parties. He tasted of vanilla custard and I couldn’t get enough. My body subconsciously pressed into his and his hand gripped into my hair pushing me closer to him. I wanted it to last forever but unfortunately my lungs needed oxygen. Every part of me wanted this right now yet I had to slowly pull back to breathe. 

I was breathing heavy my chest rising and falling quickly, my eyes were still closed his fingers loosened their grip on my hair. His hand dropped to sit on my lower back and we sat there for a few seconds in a comfortable silence. 

“Am I agh good at kissing?” The doctor questioned his voice slightly higher than usual almost broke finishing the sentence. 

He cleared his throat and licked his lips, 

“I mean I’ve had some very good feedback so far and your opinion means a lot to me.” The doctor looked down at me.

My face crunched in confusion and my eyes widened as his words, I shook my head at his silliness a smile made its way to my lips.

“I don’t think I’ve had near enough to give you some proper feedback you know doctor.” I smiled 

The doctor shrugged as if what I was saying seemed logical to him

“Okay.” He said before cupping my cheeks and bringing his lips back onto mine

Sometimes that mad man was really very clueless, but in this instance it didn’t really matter because I got to kiss him.


End file.
